My best friend is dating a loser
Here’s some advice on how to help your friend dump that chump and get out of the situation that’s holding back her happiness.Stating the Facts Won’t Help Have you ever watched a horror movie and screamed, “Don’t open that door! It never works—the heroine always walks through the obviously dangerous door, right smack-dab into the carnivorous birds or league of zombies.
That’s something much harder for her to rationalize around!“Unhappy people may not end their relationship because forces other than love, fun, and satisfaction are keeping them together,” says Amy Strachman, a research scientist at e Harmony Labs.“There are ‘barrier forces,’ which include poor alternatives to the relationship combined with the potential loss of investments.To help set the stage for your friend to leave her loser, it’s essential that you minimize the barriers to exiting that would make it hard for your friend to say “adieu.” If she’s worried that she won’t be able to meet other guys, remind her of all the suitors she turned away when Loser Man first came around and let her know about some great places to meet single guys (there’s a fantastic one just one click away! If she’s worried that finances will be harder when she’s on her own, point out all the money she’ll save by not having to feed his beer habit.If she thinks her kids will stop her from having the necessary free time to date, offer to babysit!Unfortunately, in these situations it almost never works to come right out and complain.
Even if you can recite ten or fifteen specific times when he’s acted like a real jerk, doing everything from spoiling family functions to wrecking her credit history, you’ll probably find she’s got a pack of rationalizations to counter all of them.
Depending on the situation, you may find yourself faced with some significant heartache, but it’s important to remember that being the wrong person for your crush doesn’t mean you aren’t the right person for someone else.
If your friend has not decided to date your crush, you may want to consider discussing it with them.
If you’ve put in a lot of investment in the relationship, it makes it harder to leave.
And if you don’t have a lot of other social outlets, the barriers to leaving can also be emotional, such as loneliness and fear.” You’ve probably observed that people with few barriers to exiting a relationship are more likely to break up and try something new—Jennifer Lopez leaves her husbands at the drop of a hat, whereas Rhea Perlman has stayed married to Danny De Vito for decades!
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