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It seemed like he was into me because he always invited me to join him and his buddies,” she says.“It wasn’t until I realized that he called me and all of his other friends — both male and female — ‘dude.’ It was like a light bulb went on over my head; oh, that’s how he thinks of me — and the other women who were there too, obviously — as being just another one of the ‘dudes.’ After that, I realized it was never going to be what I wanted, so I moved on.” The verdict: It’s not a “real” date.
“A guy who’s interested in discovering more about what you majored in at college, whether or not you like your job and your boss, why you chose to move to the city in which you currently live — all of those ‘getting to know you’ questions indicate that he truly wants to know the answers so he can understand the real you.” Jared, 29, an urban planner in Detroit, MI, says, “When I’m not into a woman, I don’t really care too much about hearing all the details of her life. If it’s a woman I do like, though, I want to know as much as I can about her, and hearing all of those things isn’t annoying — it’s enjoyable.Fear not, says Bidwell: “Even the most confident guys feel a little nervous when asking out a woman they like; there’s no one on the planet who’s immune to the fear of rejection.” So if he beats around the bush, fiddles with his watch or says “um” a lot when he’s inviting you to dinner, you can be sure he’s not asking you to join him for a casual hang-out with his buddies.“I’ll never forget when my boyfriend asked me out on our first ‘real’ date,” says Karen, 24, an executive assistant from Kansas City, MO.However, a man who uses this seemingly innocent word offers a very important clue about his feelings for you, says Bidwell: “When a guy addresses you as ‘dude’ — especially when asking you out — it’s an indication that he thinks of you more as ‘one of the guys’ and less like a potential girlfriend,” she asserts.“It’s almost like a mini-Freudian slip, if you will.” Margot, a 30-year-old paralegal in Red Hook, NJ, recalls one guy who always called her “dude” that she had a crush on: “I never understood why Thom wasn’t asking me out on a real date — we hung out a lot after work with friends, and we’d grab drinks together all the time.In my recent interview with dating coach, David Wygant, he suggested that men are often the ones who lack confidence and suffer from fear of rejection.
He says that older women have the power to make a connection that turns into a dating opportunity.
“ He could barely get the words out — which was so weird, because he was like Mr.
Calm, Cool and Collected in every other aspect of his life!
“This kind of invitation requires some thought and planning, which is a clear indicator that it isn’t casual.” However, if he asks you that afternoon if you’d like to meet up later to go grab a bite, it’s more likely a casual invite to hang out because he sees you as a friend.
“While a last-minute invite could still be a date because it doesn’t indicate thought or planning on his part, it’s less likely that the invitation was made with ‘I’m taking her on a date to get to know her better’ intentions.
Not only are there statistically fewer men, but the dynamic of human engagement, and style of personal connection, has changed dramatically since we were dating in our 20’s.