Become friends after dating
Last year, I met a girl named Jessica on Ok Cupid and we agreed to meet up and go on an adventure date throughout Seattle.We explored new neighborhoods, meandered through parks, and people-watched out of a coffee shop’s balcony.
Jessica and I met up as friends, without any overt attempts at wooing, courting, or sleeping with one another. She came to understand my background story and my relationship goals and preferences ( talk about these things all the time), and I learned about hers.That means that only 2.5% of Americans are getting into relationships with people they met on dating sites.Using dating sites to meet new If you can steadily make friends via dating sites, your dating and romantic life will almost necessarily improve.Despite the romantic promise of most dating sites, the likelihood of discovering that your internet date is truly compatible with you across all major dimensions of compatibility is quite low.According to PEW research, as of last year, only 11% of US adults have used online dating sites, and of those, only 23% have actually entered into a relationship with someone they met there.Using these insights, we both began introducing each other to awesome people within our respective friend groups, and have been doing so for years.
The friendship-first approach centers around sharing fun and memorable experiences with the people we meet, and seeking to learn their stories and their preferences, free of any overtly sexual or romantic expectations.
As an online dating consultant and matchmaker, I’m a strong believer in the power of these referral networks.
After going on over 150 dates, trying out over 100 dating websites, and advising hundreds of individuals at all levels of dating experience, one thing consistently stands out to me: .
We kept things friendly and fun rather than expecting things to turn romantic or physical right away.
By not overtly expecting sex, commitment, or even compatibility upfront, and instead focusing on just creating a series of fun, memorable experiences, we had implicitly set the precedent for a approach to dating.
Consequently, that one person who previously would’ve been a single “yes/no” one-off date with no followup instead becomes not just a friend, but a fantastic advocate in our quest to build future friendships and relationships.